This time last year I lost 15 pounds because I used food dep.. (OnlyFans)

This time last year I lost 15 pounds because I used food deprivation as a coping mechanism to deal with my stress from law school finals. I told myself it was because I was “too busy to make a real meal” but it was definitely more of a weird proxy for me to punish myself because I felt like I wasn’t doing good enough. I’m trying to make a very concerted effort not to do that to myself this year. I keep telling myself that feeding my body is not negotiable. Eating that day is not a “reward“ for feeling like I've done a good enough job. The skinniest version of myself is not the “best” version of myself. I know that we live in an age where being thick is arguably the “ideal body type” but psychological disorders like EDs and body dysmorphia can’t really being reasoned with. They’re about control and rules more than they are about how you look in the mirror.

I guess I dont really have a specific purpose for this post but I think it’s about accountability. I’ve learned a lot of really helpful tricks from dealing will this BS for a while and making myself talk about it publicly has literally saved my life before. It’s harder to hide that kind of self abuse when people know what to look for. I’m putting myself on blast lol it’s worked before 

I know this post is a bit of a downer but I’ll be okay. I’ve been trying to be okay with where my body is at right now. I work out when I can and I eat healthy but I think it’s just human nature to want something else. I dont know. I needed a self love moment and you guys are always better at that than I am. I’m trying to be better about asking for help when I need it and I guess ya girl needs some extra hype for a little bit while things are hard. Your comments and stuff honestly make a huge difference in my life. So yeah...idk how to end this lol. Hope y’all are getting through these hard time the best you can.